A Food-Lover’s Worst Nightmare

By the time this post is being read by anyone I will be on my way to the hospital for day surgery. Don’ t worry…it’s nothing serious, and in fact is actually less surgery and more just takin’ a look at things to determine the cause of some complaints I’ve had. Plus if the meds they give me are anything like the ones I was given when I was getting my wisdom teeth out, I’m going to be high as a kite, so I’m not even particularly worried about the procedure. Experience tells me that I probably won’t even remember a single second of it.

No, it’s not the day surgery itself that has me all a twitter today. It’s the preparation for the day surgery. You see, without going into too much detail, this particular procedure requires that my system be cleansed. To that end, I was told that I would have to begin fasting at 8 am the morning before the procedure. Since I don’t even wake up most mornings until about 9, that means that I hadn’t eaten anything for about 9 hours before I had to start fasting, and since my procedure isn’t until 1:30 in the afternoon, that works out to approximately 38 hours without food.Β Thirty-eight straight hours during which all I’ve been able to consume is water, clear fruit juices, tea or coffee without anything in it, soup broth with no solids of any kind, and Jello. The only semi-solid thing I’ve been allowed to eat is Jello.

There's a very good chance that I will never eat Jello again after this.
There’s a very good chance that I will never eat Jello again after this.

If you’ve never gone through such a thing you can’t imagine how awful I feel. And how ravenous. Normally I am a total pig by any standards. Even when I’m determined to lose weight I find it nearly impossible to stop eating for more than a couple of hours. I am constantly snacking. I love food. I really, really love food. And I hate hate hate hate hate the feeling of being hungry. Therefore you can probably gather that I’m in less than a pleasant mood right now, and will be more than ready to binge like a ravenous wolf in a few more hours.

Therefore I’m opening up the floor to you, my friends, family, and readers: what should I gorge myself on once the drugs wear off and I’m sensible enough to make my hand move to my mouth? Throw some ideas at me and know that I may very well use every single one of them. o_o

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9 thoughts on “A Food-Lover’s Worst Nightmare

  1. When I had surgery to implant a tooth, I had broths for several days and understand your hunger. I had a good chicken-dumpling soup. I felt like I just wanted to shove it into my face without chewing and fill the void in my stomach.

    • Oh I definitely know where you’re coming from there. I had three impacted wisdom teeth out at once a few years back and it was torture. Fortunately at that time I quickly learned that I could eat crap-tons of ice cream and buttery mashed potatoes (I’m a sucker for mashed potatoes…lol)

  2. Doctors and medical folks have an irrational fear of a patient vomiting and possibly inhaling said vomit. The medical term for this is aspiration. I have no idea why doctors are so worried about this while EMTs like myself never seem to have such an issue. Folks always seem to eat a huge meal or swallow a foreign and/or difficult and often disgusting object moments before getting hurt. If you ever want to throw up for any particular reason, I’d be happy to share a few of my ambulance stories with you. It is also one of a handful of reasons I went part-time. πŸ™‚

    • Thanks for the offer. I think I’ll pass for now. lmao

      In this case I don’t believe it had anything to do with concerns of aspiration. They were taking a look at my gooey insides and thus those insides had to be as clean as possible beforehand.

      On a side note, the drugs they gave me totally didn’t knock me out, so I got to watch the whole thing on the screen, which was equal parts fascinating and disgusting. lol

  3. I ate waaaaaaay too much sugar-free Jello when I was on Atkins several years ago… still can’t eat it! Have a speedy appointment!

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